Spiritual Effects of Paternal Absenteeism on Daughters

Accepting the Father's Love

The gift of a father who fulfills his roles and responsibilities in the life of his daughter is a rare gift. The daughter whose confidence is unshaken often finds her identity through her the affirmation offered her by the only man she will call “Daddy”. However, regardless of how fulfilling that love is, there is a love that every daughter needs that even her father cannot satisfy. Without it she will be empty forever and she will be unable to form healthy relationships with other men and even with other women. That is the love of her Heavenly Father. 

Unlike the love of her dad, the love of the Heavenly Father never fails because He is perfect. When coupled with the love from her earthly father, the daughter will find her life to be quite satisfying. Even when she faces difficulties, the love of the Heavenly Father will go with her in the dark places where her earthly father may never go. It is not the intention of God to replace the love that He wants a daughter to receive from her earthly father. However, the love of the earthly father can only go so far and no further (Meeker, 2006, p. 183). If she is ill prepared to receive the love of God when faced with difficult situations, the daughter will fall apart. The love of the earthly father is meant to prepare the daughter for this reception. If it is absent, she begins at a disadvantage. 

Daughters understand the love of God through the expression of love shown by their earthly father. It is for this reason that a girl whose father has left her often finds it difficult to accept the love of the Father. Fathers represent God to their children and respond to their inner longing for their fathers to show them who God is (Munroe, 2001, p. 200). Girls whose fathers are absent tend to feel unsafe, unloved and unwanted (Moore, 2010, p. 17). As Moore pointed out, because of the emotional damage incurred, when they are introduced to the love of God, daughters whose fathers are absent often find it difficult to believe that God could love them as they are and that He has a plan for their lives. This in turn affects their ability to worship God.

Trusting God As Father

Not only does a daughter need to know that she is loved by God the Father, but she needs to know that He is trustworthy. Unfortunately, “the sense of abandonment that comes from a father’s absence or rejection may greatly diminish our willingness to trust or pursue God” (Moore, 2010, p.16). The absence of a father in the life of his daughter creates a void which shapes her perspective not only of men, but also of God. Since the father is meant to represent God to his daughter, his absence does not help her as she forms her perception of her Heavenly Father. 

The fathers of the Bible were entrusted with the responsibility of instructing their children in the way of the Lord. However, before they could instruct, they were to model lives of trust for their children. This modeling resulted in their children being able to bear witness to the testimony of the goodness and the faithfulness of God to His promises. Throughout Scripture, the references made to fatherhood used rhetorical questions based on what were supposed to be real-life situations. In Matthew 7:11 Jesus said, “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” A daughter whose father has not demonstrated the quality of being a good gift giver may find it difficult to trust that her Father in heave can give good gifts to her.

The effects of paternal absenteeism extend beyond the physical, reaching into the deep recesses of her spirit. The good news for the daughter who has been suffered as a result of paternal absenteeism is that there is hope for healing. Though no one could ever take the place of her biological father, a daughter can be assured that her Heavenly Father loves her with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) and that He is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). God, the Father is still providing for His precious daughters and will always be concerned about their needs. If she is willing to trust God, the hurting daughter may find that God may send a man who can fill the gap in her life and who can help to alleviate some of the pain that she may suffer.